by John Church

This is not directly related to astronomy, but since many of our speakers rely on Macs and sometimes have compatibility issues with our system, Here is a parody on Longfellow’s “Hiawatha” that I included in one of my books some years ago.   I recall with some anguish the trials and tribulations that all of us confirmed Mac users had to go through when our employer made us switch to Windows computers.  

Enjoy, or not !  Maybe some readers of Sidereal Times will have similar stories.

Mr. Longfellow and Other Plagiarists.
– Title of essay by Edgar Allan Poe

Somewhere deep in Central Jersey,
In a green and pleasant valley,
Near a turnpike legendary,
With its famous numbered exits,
Stood an office center thriving;
Filled it was with Macintoshes,
Now with mass extinction threatened
By the Windows, opening, closing;
Helpless, they who toiled there daily,
To their loved computers clinging,
Rumors of destruction hearing
From the Master Cloner’s empire.

So, in ancient cemetery,
Sought they aid of Wadsworth Henry;
Not to be confused with Wordsworth,
Though their names had certain likeness;
Wads of chewing gum exhausted,
Henry’s tombstone decorating,
Certified a laureate worthy.
As they asked for help poetic,
Lo! his specter thus responded:

“Well I taught them, how to clone,
But now forever shall they moan!
I’ll haunt them all with old Nokomis,
Raised from tomb in Oklahomis;
Fling magnetic curses boundless,
Rendering their speakers soundless;
Fill their drives with glitches gloomy,
Throw them all in Gitche Gumee!
Viruses shall be injected,
Applications be infected;
Then, by spyware all corrupted,
Browsing constantly disrupted,
And by pop-ups interrupted,
Shall their systems suffer crashes,
Shall their e-mails turn to ashes,
Sent to bulging cans of trashes;
Back into their chambers turning,
All their souls within them burning,

Cubicles forever spurning,
Nevermore to be returning!
– True, some lines may sound familiar,
For my passing’s made me sillier;
Other cloners I despise,
But sometimes I still plagiarize!”

And the grateful Macintoshers
Uttered cries of heartfelt blessings:
“Honor be to Wadsworth Henry!
May your name now be exalted,
Other copycats be faulted!”